In continuing with Abby’s question from the night before, Cooper came in with added discussion the next morning.
He said, Mom, I had a long talk with God last night. I told him if he ever did decide to become a lion that I don’t want him to eat people.
I asked Cooper if it made him uncomfortable that God decides who lives and who dies. He did his hand in the so-so motion.
I told him it makes me uncomfortable, too, and the truth is, sometimes it makes me angry. I’m like Cooper. In my prayers, I want to tell God who to be and what to do because I want to write my own story. I want to be my own God — to rule over myself, to worship myself and my own desires. My prayers are more “mature” (that’s a joke), so I’m not as direct as Cooper. They look more like negotiations and respectful requests as if trying to obtain the position of the Most High is anything short of disrespect.
Now, when we use the term so-so, we are implying two sides, correct? My sin-nature (one side of the so) does not love the control of God. It rejects the story he writes.
But, the other side of the so is the Spirit living in me. When we live by the Spirit, we do not gratify the desires of the Old Man that rejects the Perfect Love and Faithfulness that drives out fear. We welcome being swallowed-up by the great control of the Lion. We desire that he be the author of our book. We keep our arms opened for his grace, even if that grace is death itself. The so of the Spirit does not tell God who to be but asks who he wants us to be.
Until we are swallowed up in death or taken into eternity, we will live in the tension of the so-so. Hopefully, our Spirit “so” will subdue our flesh “so” more as we enjoy our inheritance here on earth.